Memory

It's been a month since my dad passed away. His passing began on Christmas Eve and was completed just after midnight on Christmas night. Most of the hard things about a loved one's passing, fell to me to cope with. Making phone calls and decisions. Supporting my mother through it all. Helping my husband through his own unsettled memories of a death at Christmas long ago, suddenly raw and aching. It's been a somber month and I've just begun to feel like I'm coming out of a blanket of fog and numbness that enveloped me .

What I'll remember is how truly joyful he was about a year ago when I accepted a job and decided to move close by. The summer sunsets we watched together from the porch, the time spent talking about the variety of birds at the feeder. He told a lot of stories in the last months, about times he was a boy and then a younger man in the service. He was loosing touch with small daily things, but remembering clearly things from 70 years ago. He talked about his mother canning food during the war years and how his father's shoe shop smelled. He talked about some choices he'd made in life and things he might have done differently. He reconsidered some of his relationships and wished to make ammends where he could.

He wasn't always the ideal father and there are many things better left alone. But in the last years, he became a better man. And I was so blessed to have the last 10 months to know him.

Handmade Pay It Forward

I have a very creative niece who recently gifted me with a lovely handmade tote bag. It has become the perfect place to keep my current crochet project. She sells her lovely bags and card wallets on her blog, and I'm always checking to see what she's been up to.

Today, she snagged me into an interactive, totally Internet art project called the Handmade Pay It Forward. I firmly believe in totally unencumbered acts of kindness and try to " pay it forward" at any given opportunity. Sometimes I even make up the opportunity! And that is the premise behind this project.

There's lots of other creative people playing in the universe; if you'd like to investigate further, just Google "handmade pay it forward" and I hope you'll want to play along, too.

In a nutshell, it's about sharing love through our collective hearts and hands. So, if someday you'd like to receive a random token of happiness, just agree to the few conditions and keep the faith.

Here's the deal...

• anyone with a blog can join.
• the first three people to leave a comment with a valid email address (I need to be able to contact you!) on this post will receive a handmade gift from me.
• I will send your gift within 365 days. in return, you have to pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog (whatever you want to make, no rules or limitations.)

I've been known to dabble in many crafty areas, so I have no idea what I might come up with to send you!. I can only promise that it will be executed to the best of ability and hopefully will be something you'll enjoy.

Number 1 Reason To Not Drive After Dark

It was a dark and lonely night. No moon. Just me and then a deer. It ended worse for the deer. Fortunately, I wasn't speeding and I saw the deer in time to move almost all the way into the other lane, but I still hit the poor huge animal.

Guess my first stop in the morning is a body shop.

Update... Lucky for me, the car is driveable. The estimate for total repairs is $5 more than the Blue Book value on the car! Other than the headlight, I think I'll turn a blind eye to cosmetics. It's running pretty rough this morning, so I dropped it off at the shop to have them check it out.

As far as collisions go, this could have been much worse. At least the deer didn't come through the windshield and I was able to drive home.

Ashes of Christmas

The holiday season is officially winding down. Trees are appearing on the sidewalks and 70% off ads are plastered everywhere as we face the drudgery of January. It's always been a long, hard month for me with days of routine nothingness made worse by the excitement of the holiday season. I was always one to decorate the house, even the bathrooms got some festive touch. I collected Santas. In financially good or bad times, there has always been a happy little girl anticipating the Santa season living inside me.

It was different this year. Everything related to the holidays seemed like just one big chore that I was happy to avoid. I didn't bake. Didn't buy gifts. Only sent a few cards to elder relatives out of obligation. Even the music of the season which I usually start playing in late November held no interest for me. There was no real cause, it just didn't feel right.

And then my father unexpectedly died late Christmas night. The drama started unfolding in the wee first hours of Christmas morning and less than 20 hours later, his soul went home. It went too fast, yet it all seemed like slow motion at the time. Time has still not fully adjusted for me.

There had been one occasion this fall when he and I were talking, and I told him about my work in hypnosis. He wanted to experience it, so I lightly hypnotized him. While he was floating in the haze, I spoke to him and encouraged his body to be healthy. I also told him that whenever his soul knew it was time to go home, he should go and find peace. We never spoke again about it.

He overcame a life threatening aorta aneurysm crisis and was in better health than at any time in the last year. And then on Christmas, it was time for him to go home. I wonder if his soul had told mine the time was close.